Countercope

We all know what coping is. Well, kind of. My working definition is continually evolving. At one point a friend of mine asked another who was drinking heavily, “Why are you killing yourself?” and he answered, “I’m not trying to; I’m trying to make it to tomorrow.” Now, just making it to tomorrow doesn’t *mean* the problem will be addressed then, but it does mean continuing with life rather than ending it. This was a significant re-frame for me.

I’ve spent my fair share of time coping in myriad ways. I still do; I even surprise myself in finding new ways to cope after I let go of an old way! And… the cope, while it feels “good” (or at least better) in the meantime, ultimately feels worse, or comes along with some unsavory consequences, negative long-term effects, repercussions… in general, some ickiness.

My friend Joe came up with a word that speaks to what I do when I sit and actually acknowledge the _____-shaped hole in my heart (which is what’s prompting me to want to cope to begin with) and love it: countercope. The countercope is pouring some love on the part that wants the cope. This image he drew for it is perfect. Depending on my mood, I see it differently.

In one mood, I feel the heart is hurting and the little dude is hugging it. In another mood the little dude is hanging onto heart for dear life. In yet another they are resting together in timelessness. The simplicity of this drawing invites me to reflection of the countercope over and over.

But no matter what, the countercope assumes capacity in *self* (not to discredit having good others to share with) to do some love-pouring! I just love this concept and find increasing depth upon continued contemplation.

What do you think? Do you soothe your heart-pain by loving it, dissolving the need/desire for the cope?